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Map of the Game

This map, consisting of a map of which parts of the country root for which football team, is pretty damn cool. For one thing, it makes Minnesota look like a much larger market than we thought.

Worst PSA Ever

Kim Kardashian and her "dead-behind-the-eyes" sisters (as Joel McHale calls them) spread awareness about Burma:

But did they have anything to say about the Armenian genocide resolution?

Arrested, at the Fuckin' Airport

News Item: Actor Dennis Farina arrested with gun at LAX

The "Get Shorty" jokes just write themselves. Did he turn to the arresting officer and yell "fuck you, fuckball!"? Was the gun hidden in an airport locker guarded by DEA agents? I mean, the movie ends with Farina's character getting arrested at LAX (before he, you know, turns into Harvey Kietel)- and now Farina gets arrested himself, at that very airport?

Selling Frida

On Saturday I went to the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Philadelphia art museum, and very much enjoyed it, although there was one thing I had to laugh at. In the gift shop of the museum there were dozens of items based around various Kahlo works, including this necktie:

You can order the Broken Column Tie here. Try wearing that to an important business meeting, and see what people say.

At any rate, I think it's hilarious that while Frida Kahlo was a lifelong devout Communist, now rich people can go to a museum and spend hundreds of dollars on T-shirts, coffee mugs and ties based on her paintings.

Film Critic Quote of the Week

Christopher Orr, piling on "Speed Racer" at the TNR site:

The film's aesthetic might be described indelicately, though not inaccurately, as resembling the upchuck of a child who has just eaten a boxful of crayons. Its cities shine like Lucas-scapes frosted by Willy Wonka; its Day-Glo costumes and interiors make The Umbrellas of Cherbourg look drab by comparison. In the many race scenes, the cars swerve and slide across courses whose serpentine impossibility rivals the knotty creations of a twelve-year-old set loose with yards of Hot Wheels track.

You're the Worst Around

I was going to talk about this stupid list on Foxsports.com naming the Twins as the 7th-worst franchise in pro sports, but thankfully FireJoeMorgan is on it:

Twins win totals, 2002-2006: 94, 90, 92, 83, 96. Four division titles in five years. You're telling me that a team that won four division titles in a five year stretch ending in 2006 is the seventh worst franchise in all of sports?

You know who's a terrible director? Scorsese. Did you see Kundun? Booooo-ring.

Quote of the Day

An Andrew Sullivan letter-writer, on the campaign that won't end:

" Hillary's hanging on to the contest dramatically proves to me that she is unfit to be our president. It is so Bush-like, is it not? It's her Iraq. She has obviously failed, yet she keeps on just to prove she's not a quitter. Where have we heard that lately? How can we depend on her? Like Bush, she cannot admit a mistake. She can't admit failure. She is not rational. She'll take us down with her.

We need a rational president so badly. One who makes decisions based on careful consideration of all the facts and understands the real risks and likelihood of success. Hillary is running her campaign into the ground financially. Is that what we want in a president? Someone who uses fear and divisiveness to appeal to people?

Her campaign alone is a reason to vote against her."

Charles Ramsey vs. Assault Weapons

My money's on the Philly police commissioner, especially after this exchange:

By the way, I feel like an idiot now. The one question I asked Mayor Nutter after the presidential debate, after Hillary talked in the debate about assault weapons, was... how many of the murders in Philadelphia last year were committed with assault weapons? Less than a month later, a Philly police officer is killed by... an assault weapon. ADD IT TO THE FRIGGIN' LIST!

Film Critic Quote of the Day

Stephanie Zacherak tees off on "Speed Racer" at Salon:

Paulie Litt, as Speed's pudgy little brother, Sprittle, is so annoying I kept wishing he'd go play in traffic. Not even his mascot, Chim Chim (played by two chimps, Willy and Kenzie), is funny, and you're in trouble when your movie doesn't even get laughs with a monkey.

"Speed Racer" is so arrogant about its so-called stylishness and energy that it feels like punishment, the equivalent of being trapped at a dinner party between two guys who feel compelled to inform you, in long-winded detail, how great they are. This isn't a picture filled with wonder and a sense of fun; it's so jaded and crass that I almost wonder if it's a highly unscientific experiment designed to gauge how little audiences will settle for these days. Manic and multicolored, "Speed Racer" is an excess of nothingness.

Sports Radio Moment of the Day

I've gone on record before as saying that I love it when media commentators- even gentiles; ESPECIALLY gentiles- bust out the Yiddish. The time during the 2001 NBA playoffs that Dan Patrick talked about "Iverson's touchas"- in reference to an injury to the Sixers star's tailbone, left me laughing for a long while. But when you get it wrong, it just plain doesn't work.

Yesterday on his 950 ESPN show, Mike Missanelli was telling an old story about how he worked selling perfume at a local mall, and had to give a "Spiel" while doing so. Except instead of saying "Spiel" he said "schmear." Actually, he said "schmear" the first three times, then used the correct"Spiel" then used "schmear" again.

(In case you're lost: "Spiel" means "a usually high-flown talk or speech, esp. for the purpose of luring people to a movie, a sale, etc.; pitch." "Schmear" is something that goes on a bagel.

Mikey Miss narrowly beats out the WIP caller, on Ike Reese's show, who questioned whether the doctor who diagnosed Kimmo Timonen's season-ending injury is an agenda-harboring Penguins fan.

The Decapitation of Mr. Redlegs

This is instantly legendary:

Worst Headline of the Year Nominee

Philadelphia Daily News: N.J. Santa charged as international pedophile

It would be bad enough if he were a mere local pedophile. Or if he weren't a Santa.

The Best Metaphor Yet

Wil Wheaton: Hillary is "The Psycho Ex-Girlfriend of the Democratic Party"

60

Congratulations to the State of Israel, which celebrates its 60th anniversary today. Israel's creation was a miracle, its continued survival an even bigger miracle, and its resilience may be the biggest miracle of all.

Look at it this way: because of Israel, Brandeis University will always be the second most-important Jewish-oriented institution that was created in 1948.

Cycle!

News Item: Carlos Gomez hits for cycle in 13-1 Twins victory.

And with that, the Santana trade suddenly looks... a little bit better. Gomez is the first Twin to hit for the cycle since Kirby Puckett did it in 1986. I totally remember that, if only because I was eight years old at the time and had never heard of the "hitting for the cycle" concept before that.

I was checking the score on my cell phone, like I do most nights, and when I looked at the scoring plays and boxscore I noticed that Gomez was 4-for-6, and had a run-scoring double and triple in addition to the homer. So if that fourth hit was a single... In all, a wonderful way to follow up nearly being no-hit by failed Phillies prospect Gavin Floyd the night before.

Gomez has looked iffy since the start of the season, leading most observers to conclude that he's probably not ready, and certainly shouldn't be batting leadoff for a major league team at this point. But he's damn exciting, and as last night proved, he's capable of breakout games. I see him as a special, special player in 2 or 3 years, if not sooner.

This game had a lot of other things you don't normally see: a nine-hit complete game (by Livan Hernandez, eating innings as always), and Nick Punto driving in five runs. And most strangely? Five weeks into what was supposed to be a rebuilding year, the Twinkies are in first place in the AL Central, thanks to the melting down Tigers and White Sox, and the offensively challenged Cleveland "Baseball Team" Indians. Not sure if it'll last, but I'm enjoying it now.

Sports Radio Moment of the Day

Yes, there is a big media figure in America who is more clueless about blogs than Buzz Bissinger. That'd be Howard Eskin, who did an hour on the topic yesterday- following an interview with Bissinger himself- before discoursing on the topic without having any idea at all what he was talking about.

The howlers were plentiful. Eskin claimed most bloggers are "out to make money" (actually, the majority of bloggers have no advertisers and do it for free.) In response to a caller who asked how Eskin can rip bloggers while hosting sports handicappers on his show regularly, he called this "the dumbest thing I've heard in the last six months." Even though the sports touting industry is right at the bottom of the list of America's shadiest non-criminal rackets, just slightly above payday lending.

Throughout the rant, Eskin made one thing abundantly clear: the only blog he's read in the past four years is ProFootballTalk.com.

In all, it would've been the dumbest thing I heard on the radio yesterday, if it hadn't been for the Hannity caller who said he can't support McCain because he's too liberal- and suggested that if we'd been waterboarding from the beginning, half of the U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq would still be alive. (Huh?)

The kicker? Eskin, at one point... had his own blog!

GCobb- a blogger and also a WIP host- has more on this on his site. And PFT apparently heard about this as well.

Stewart on the Endgame

Film Critic Quote of the Week

Sean Burns, on "Redbelt":

The chest-thumping, manly-man mannerisms of David Mamet have always teetered on the brink of self-parody. (I have a theory that his sentences are so short because he types them with his balls.)

Caught

News Item: Third and final cop killer caught in Southwest Philadelphia

This is great news. Three men robbed a bank last week and, in the process, shot and killed Philadelphia police officer Stephen Liczbinski; one of the suspects was killed during the robbery, a second was captured shortly afterward, and the third was finally caught yesterday after a five-day manhunt.

Less fortunate? A video, taken a couple of days after the shooting, surfaced last week featuring several Philadelphia police beating three men who were suspects in a murder unrelated to the Liczbinski death. A news helicopter from local Fox affiliate WTXF captured the beating on tape, and both the mayor and police commissioner have called for the public to withhold judgment.

The Fox station has come under some heat in Philly for broadcasting the tape, but I can't blame them. They're journalists, it's news, and you don't sit on something that's news. What is unfair, however, is that the police beating became a national story while the Liczbinski shooting did not. The only reason Al Sharpton hasn't arrived in Philly yet is because he's tied up at the moment.

The headquarters of the Fraternal Order of Police is two blocks from my office; every news truck in town was parked outside there this morning.

Meanwhile, a Philadelphia mosque has announced that they will refuse to conduct funeral services for the alleged shooter, "We don't want one slight scintilla hinting that we condone his behavior." I'm going to guess that neither Daniel Pipes or Debbie Schlussel will make any mention of that today.

Book Critic Quote of the Week

Damon Linker, in TNR:

"Who would now deny that the political ascendancy of the religious right has been bad for the United States? Its destructive consequences are plain for all to see. It has polarized the nation. It has injected theological certainties into public life. It has led political leaders to invest their aims and their deeds with metaphysical significance. It has made America a laughingstock in the eyes of the educated of the world. And it has encouraged devout believers to think of themselves as agents of the divine, and their political opponents as enemies of God."

Duh-Duh-DUH-DUH-DUH!

I review the excellent "Iron Man" in the Trend this week.

I Have an Anniversary

Something Tim Russert said this morning that shocked me: Did you know that the night of the Democratic convention when the presidential nominee speaks will be the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech? And you thought there was pressure on Obama to give a great speech before...

God DAMN Springfield

If Homer Simpson ran for president, would he have to answer for the shocking comments by Grandpa Simpson?

He's a yellow supremacist!

Screamin' A Returns

A few months after his firing from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Stephen A. Smith has returned to the written word, penning the first of what is expected to be a regular column for ESPN the Magazine.

I've done a lot of SAS-bashing around here over the years, but I should say that I once considered Smith a fine newspaper sportswriter, when he was first with the Inquirer. This was before the development of his louder-than-thou TV persona, as well as his annoying habit of writing columns in the Philadelphia paper long after he stopped both living in Philadelphia and paying attention to what was going on there.

I'm not expecting the idiots who frequent the ESPN.com comment sections to much like the first column, in which Smith asks whether the NBA is racist for bringing in lots of European players, before ultimately rejecting the notion.

Sort of Like Picking the Patriots, the Day After the Last Super Bowl

News Item: Superdelegate Heath Shuler endorses Clinton

Gus Frerotte and Brad Johnson, though, both support Obama, while Trent Green remains undecided.

KSK Does Chris Matthews

Dead on. Totally. Right down to the football metaphors. My only complaint? No reference to the Rachel Maddow/Pat Buchanan pairing.

Headline of the Year Nominee

Chicago Tribune: Apologize for inflatable dolls? Not Guillen

Do I hate the White Sox? Yes. Am I embarrassed that the Twins were almost no-hit last night by Gavin Floyd? Oh yea. But man, I love Ozzie Guillen. He's the funniest coach/manager currently working in sports, and the only reason to be happy about the Sox's championship a few years ago is that it means he'll never be fired.

This is the End

So Obama won North Carolina tonight, and lost Indiana by two percent (in a race that was called about two minutes ago.) Hillary clearly, at this point, has no path to the nomination and in a just world will drop out tomorrow. Instead, I imagine, she'll come forward with some pretzel-like rationalization about how Indiana counts and North Carolina doesn't, and continue through the convention.

I know it didn't matter because it was a difference of one delegate, but it was pretty hilarious that the eyes of the nation, for about two hours, were on Gary, Indiana. Sully had the same song in his head during this that I did.

Film Critic Quote of the Week

David Edelstein, on "Speed Racer":

From the previews it was clear that the people were props in an ecstatically cartoony world with its own laws of time, space, and motion. Instead of actors superimposed over futuristic Deco backdrops, as in the handsome but congealed Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Speed Racer would be organically fake, an unbridled orgy of artifice.

Orgy, hell: The film is like a nightmare in which you’re trapped in an arcade with screens on all sides and no eyelids. Based on an elemental but happily streamlined Japanese cartoon (an anime precursor), it’s an eyesore, a shambles, with incoherent action and ear-buckling dialogue.

Lots of pretty colors, sure, but just about everything in "Speed Racer" goes wrong, from the impossible-to-follow action sequences to the nonsense plot to one of the most annoying comic-relief duos in history, one of whom is a monkey. The only thing "Speed Racer" has in common with "The Matrix" is an unfortunate weakness for LONG, expository speeches.

Don't see this movie. See "Iron Man" again if you have to.

What States Do and Don't Count

In preparation for tonight, Olbermann tells us what counts and what doesn't:

Much As I Hate to Link to Perez Hilton...

He noticed the same thing I did about Cindy McCain.

New Writings

I review Jeff Garlin's very funny "Marty" semi-remake, "I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With," on the North Star site, where you can also find my latest column, on the Buzz Bissinger/Will Leitch confrontation. And on Dealerscope- that Geek Squad/nude photos lawsuit is about to go to trial.

Heh, Heh, Heh

Mark Halperin, on "The Page":

Hillary Clinton enthusiastically picked a filly named Eight Belles to win the Kentucky Derby and compared herself to the horse. Eight Belles finished second. The winner was the favorite, Big Brown.

Eight Belles collapsed immediately after crossing the finish line, and was euthanized shortly thereafter.

The Year's Least Likely Sports Crime

News Item: Marvin Harrison questioned in North Philadelphia shooting

I think it's safe to say that no one saw that one coming. A respected player who has never had any significant trouble with the law, Harrison is known as the NFL's only great receiver who's not a complete jackass. It remains too early, of course, to know what happened, and I'll reserve further comment on the case until more is known (the victim, for what it's worth, lived.)

I didn't hear much WIP this weekend, but I'm going to guess at least one caller's reaction to this was to somehow wish Harrison onto the Eagles. He is, after all, a Big Time Receiver, one who is a Philadelphia native and a college teammate of Donovan McNabb. I wouldn't bet on that, though. If these legal troubles were to cause the Colts to drop Harrison, I'd imagine he'd be suspended, and not able to go to another team.

Another Thing He Has in Common With Giambi

News Item: Roger Clemens apologizes for "mistakes" in his personal life

Issuing an apology for unspecified transgressions- it's a Yankee tradition!

The Flyers' Symphony of Destruction

Now that the Philadelphia Flyers have defeated Canada's conspiracy and moved on to the Eastern Conference finals, the happiest NHL fan in the world is... Dave Mustaine.

The Megadeth frontman got his biggest career break in at least a decade the other week, resulting from the controversy when Washington Post columnist Mike Wise insulted Flyers fans. Rather than liken them to Metallica groupies like most writers would have, Wise instead wrote at the time that "many of the women and children in the crowd looked as if they could be security for Megadeth."

Mustaine apparently delighted in this, going so far as to record a scoreboard message for the crowd during the Flyers-Montreal series, stating that ""You guys can work security for us anytime... now, go out there and kick some freakin' ass!" Meanwhile, the upcoming Flyers-Penguins series might be enough to get me into hockey again- even though it seemed like every one of Philly's regular season games was against either the Pens or the Devils.

News Sure to Make Bill Simmons Happy

News Item: Actor from "The Wire" to appear on new 90210

UPDATE: Alan Sepinwall thought of Simmons too when he heard the news. His headline? "West Balitmore to West Beverly."