December 26, 2003


THE FEATS OF STRENGTH: The 2003 Stephen Silver Achievement Awards:

Man of the Year: Time reporter Michael Weisskopf, who while traveling with US troops while working on the magazine's "Person of the Year" feature, deflected a grenade, losing a hand and saving the lives of several soldiers in the process.

Entertainer of the Year (human division): Former Iraqi information minister Muhammad Saeed "Baghdad Bob" al-Sahaf.

Entertainer of the Year (canine division): Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Eckstein Award Winner (for cool gentiles with Jewish-sounding names): Chicago Bears and former University of Florida quarterback Rex Grossman, who led the previously sorry, no-account Chicago Bears to two straight victories.

Burn Your Siddur Award Winner (for embarrassing statements/actions by Jewish clergy): Rabbi Shmuely Boteach, who wrote a column excoriating Brett Favre for playing the day after his fatherís death- because the Southern Baptist Favre didnít observe the Jewish concept of sitting shiva.

Chutzpah Award Winner: Detroit Tigers fans celebrate raucously after their team wins on the last day of the season to avoid tying the all-time record for losses in the season. Even though the Tigers nevertheless end the year with 119 losses, 76 games below .500.

Photo of the Year:

Tabloid Front Page of the Year:

Headline of the Year: "Woman Dressed as Sausage Assaulted" (, 7/10). Runners-up: "Baby and Geezer In 'Hooker' Sting" (New York Post, 10/29), "Hitler and Women Haunt Schwarzenegger" (SwissInfo, 10/3), "Silver Makes Movie Viewers Think" (Yahoo News, 5/20).

Quote of the Year: David Brooks, advising Republicans coming to New York for next yearís convention, in the New York Times: "We're going to have to give them phrases they can use in case they are called upon to make elevator small talk: ('Nice weather we're having. Too bad about the climate of McCarthyism settling over the land.')"

Film Critic Quote of the Year: "Such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose."- Stephen Witty, reviewing "Gigli" in the Newark Star Ledger. How apropos, using the word "caboose" in a review of a J.Lo movie.

Music Critic Quote of the Year: "The reasons why the demise of Limp Bizkit should be celebrated like V-E Day among those caring about music are many. It's difficult to wish ill on anyone who works hard climbing the ladder, but if karma truly exists, Durst will re-emerge in the next century as a tone deaf, one-armed accordion player." -Tony Hicks, the Contra Costa Times.

Newspaper Correction Of the Year: "The Byko Birthday Book yesterday mistakenly resurrected Johnny Unitas. He remains dead and did not celebrate his 70th birthday."-The Philadelphia Daily News, 5/7.

Cartoon of the Year:

Best Day of the Year: June 26: The Supreme Court strikes down sodomy laws; Strom Thurmond drops dead a few hours later.

On-Screen Graphic of the Year: On MSNBC, during the blackout in Detroit:

People without power: 1.5 million
Automotive plants shut down: 8
Penalty for rock-throwing: 10 years

Frothy Mixture of the Year: Santorum.

Posted by Stephen Silver at December 26, 2003 09:57 PM
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