October 21, 2003

PARTIAL BIRTH OF A NATION:

PARTIAL BIRTH OF A NATION: In commemoration of the passage in Congress of the bill banning partial-birth abortion (but not to endorse the bill itself!) I hereby give to you the greatest exchange in the history of Savage Love:

You've often come to the aid of many a sick, demented fetishist, which has inspired me, a 23-year-old overweight, brown-skinned dude who has never gotten laid, or for that matter even achieved the least intimacy with a lady, sexy or otherwise, to beg your help in locating some kindly lady who might be willing, so to speak, to ignore a poor psychologically castrated fellow's faults and instruct him in the ways of physical love. To be fair, I should say that I'm not a perfect retard, as I did attend a bullshit Ivy League institution, I'm actively pursuing plans to obtain a professional degree, I do have a decent sense of humor, which, unfortunately, is sorely unapparent in this message, and I do not like to eat my own shit. So please, Dan, if it is within your power as Hero of the Perverse to provide this craven bastard with an introduction to a gentle muse aged 19-35, please, please do. Interested ladies can write me at my e-mail address, partialbirth20@hotmail.com.

Porn Really Is a Poor Unholy Substitute

Did you flunk basic composition at that bullshit Ivy League school you attended, or are you on a mission to rehabilitate the run-on sentence? Christ, PRIAPUS (nice acronym, by the way, very Ivy League), there is a period on your keyboard for a reason. After good personal hygiene and a left-leaning voting record, nothing turns on the ladies like concision. If you speak the way you write, PRIAPUS, how can any woman who wants to fuck you possibly tell you if you never pause to take a breath?
I'm happy to print your e-mail address--there it is--but I wouldn't waste much time sitting at home by the computer if I were you. With a creepy e-mail address like "partialbirth20@hotmail.com," you're probably not going to get a lot of mail from my female readers. So why not bite the bullet and see a whore?

Posted by Stephen Silver at October 21, 2003 11:17 PM
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