THE PEOPLE VS. STEPHEN SILVER: I had to go to court in Hoboken yesterday morning to answer charges in a minor traffic matter which were incurred the day I moved a few weeks ago. Long story short, it was all the fault of the incompetent and corrupt folks at U-HAUL, and my case was dismissed save for a $20 fine.
I was pleasantly surprised at just what an entertaining experience it was sitting in the courtroom- if you ever have a few hours to kill on a weekday morning, I highly recommend visiting your local arraignment court- it's like watching a marathon of "Night Court." I watched as a man was arraigned on the charge of (illegally) operating a tractor within the city limits of Hoboken (?), was approached by three different defendents who thought, since I was wearing a suit, that I was their lawyer; and witnessed a DWI defendant sentenced to what sounded like The Ticketmaster Order From Hell: ("it's a $500 fine, plus a $150 penalty, plus a $100 'DWI surcharge,' plus a $50 'safe streets' penalty- oh yea, and your license has been suspended for two years."- don't drink and drive kids!)
But the highlight of the day was unquestionably the arraignment of a guy who clearly didn't speak a word of English. Well, maybe one word:
Judge: Do you wish to plead guilty or not guilty?
Guy: [Mumbles]
Judge: Do you speak English, sir?
Guy: [Mumbles some more]
Judge: Okay, I'll ask you one more: guilty, or not guilty?
Guy: ENGLISH!
And speaking of "Night Court," it really was one of the truly underappreciated sitcoms of the '80s, right there next to my favorite of the era, "It's Garry Shandling's Show." Groundbreaking in that it was the first (and last) lawyer show to be based entirely around an arraignment court, "Night Court" can almost be read as a Tom Wolfe-like commentary on crime-ridden, pre-Rudy New York: a city so desperate to process its endless rolls of criminals that they even had to arraign them at night. I'm still waiting for a "Night Court" DVD collection...
(And I'm not the only fan- awhile back I got a comment on this blog from someone using the name Reinhold Weege- an extremely obscure reference to the writer/producer of "Night Court" and "Barney Miller"; in one episode of "Night Court" we discovered that the John Larroquette character, Dan Fielding, had the given first name "Reinhold." Come to think of it, I'd be willing to wager that Mr. Weege once had a comical experience just like mine in arraignment court, and that's where he got the idea for the show!)