April 14, 2003

MASTER! MASTER!: To the strains

MASTER! MASTER!: To the strains of Metallica, some notes on the weekend in sports:
- Congratulations to Mike Weir, the 2003 Masters champion, both the first Canadian and first lefthander (what, not Phil Mickelson?) to take the green jacket. Though if I were Mr. Weir I'd go by "Michael," since otherwise his name sounds like "My Queer." (But wasn't "Michael Weir" the Danny DeVito character in "Get Shorty"? I'm just happy we won't have to see Hootie Johnson or Martha Burk's likeness again for the foreseeable future.
- Even more congratulations to the Minnesota Gophers hockey team, for the second year in a row the national champions. But no congratulations whatsoever are in order for the idiot fans who committed the very un-Minnesotan act of rioting in Dinkytown on Saturday night- what's wrong with you people? It's almost like you just got liberated or something- though, perhaps we should consider the possibility that Saturday's unrest had nothing to do with the hockey game, and was merely a delayed reaction to the toppling of the Jesse Ventura regime. Because you know, if Ventura had had more than four years, he would've had statues of himself everywhere- he even had one in his famous campaign commercial!
- Want a Timberwolves prediction? They'll get the fourth seed, and with it home court advantage in the first round, and they won't get stuck against the Lakers- but will still manage to lose in Round 1 for the seventh straight year. I guess their best hope is for all of the Blazers to get suspended at once, and sit out different games of the series (think Knicks-Heat, '98). Like you'd be surprised...
- So the Twins sweep the Tigers, get swept by the Blue Jays, get swept by the Yankees, and then sweep the Blue Jays? And now they're right back where they started, at .500? I wouldn't object to a Season of Sweeps, provided we win two-thirds of them. And let's not get too discouraged about the Yankees series- the Twins got crushed against the Yanks in the regular season last year too- and it didn't stop Torii from outlasting Torre in the playoffs.

Posted by Stephen Silver at April 14, 2003 11:55 AM
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