CARPET BOMBING: The producers of Sunday's Academy Award telecast have announced that they will they will cut back, if not completely eliminate, the traditional red carpet arrivals of the stars on Oscar night. Works for me- the arrivals were always a tedious bore if you ask me, and if it means a few less hours of screen time for that hideous old hag Joan Rivers, then all the better. And besides, the only major star to avoid the red carpet at last month's Grammys was Norah Jones, and it sure worked for her- not only did she look better than anyone else that night, but she swept all the awards.
In fact, since Joan and Melissa will now have nothing to do on Sunday- why don't we send them to Baghdad? I hear there's a need for reporters right about now.