April 09, 2004

On Honor of Easter, and That Church Thing Yesterday

The Best Bunny-Killing (Or “Killing-Bunny”) Moments in Pop Culture History:

- Elmer Fudd singing “Kill the Wabbits” to the tune of Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.”

- Glenn Close boiling Michael Douglas’ daughter’s pet bunny in “Fatal Attraction.”

- The rabbit-costumed teenager prophesizing armageddon in “Donnie Darko.”

- The killer rabbit in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

- Jay and Silent Bob beating up the Easter Bunny in “Mallrats.”

- The “other three are figments of your fucking imagination!” speech in “Chasing Amy.”

- The everlasting, never-killed Energizer Bunny.

- Roger Rabbit who, I continue to insist, was framed.

- That Crunch Gym commercial a few years back with the woman having sex with a guy in a bunny costume in the back of a limo. Not “killing,” but certainly cruel to “animals.”

- The videogame Bunny Bomber.

- The comic strip Dead Bunny.

- The "you dug up her pet bunny" joke.

- “140 bunnies killed in Bunnyland since the official end of bunny killing season” (?)

- And best of all, the greatest pickup-bar peptalk in movie history, from “Swingers”:

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...

Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.

Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, whose just kinda cowering in the corner.

Sue: Shivering.

Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and your staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself and with these claws your thinking "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"

Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...

Trent: Yeah you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the
bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.

Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...

Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself you don't know what to do, man. I don't know how to kill the bunny. With this you don't know how to kill the bunny…

Speaking of which, four words: Sports Guy In Vegas.

Posted by Stephen Silver at April 9, 2004 06:24 PM
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