October 19, 2004

Kermit: A New Low

Ebert didn’t address the Kermit/Piggy thing in his column this week, but we’ve got a new perspective on it regardless, thanks to a comment posted today, by a Mr. “Spriggit D. Fingerpig,” to my original Kermit-and-Piggy BlogCritics piece from more than two years ago:

"There is something here that needs to be considered, thoughtfully, carefully, and thoroughly. What is that something, I hear you ask?


Yes, [scourge] of mupppet-humpers everywhere. Foam may squash well, but rubbing against it for protracted periods of time leads to a horrendous case of foam-burn. It's like carpet-burn, but more insidious; it lets you think everything is hunky-dory, but then after fifteen minutes of porking miss Piggy or rogering Rolf, bam! Foreskin like slice of ripe tomato in your Whopper. It's raw, it burns, and it makes you wish like hell you had used the J-lube, or at least a condom…

Even Kermit laments this; needless to say, only 99% of our frog friend is green. The remaining 1% is red, and raw, and bleeding. He's been mistaken for Jewish on numerous occasions as a result.

So, remember girls and boys: Foam-burn. The silent scourge.”

Wow. I don’t even know where to start.

Posted by Stephen Silver at October 19, 2004 09:26 PM
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