October 14, 2005

Smootgate, Day 2

Yes, I'm calling it Smootgate. That's what Fred gets, for paying for it. Anyway, a few notes on the scandal that's almost certain to lead this year's Shameful Events list:

- I sort of thought the idea of getting rid of Randy Moss was that team misbehavior would decrease, not the other way around... 'cause so far this year we've had the the Whizzinator incident, the Kevin Williams domestic violence arrest, the gas station scuffle, and now the floating sex party- and that's not even mentioning the team's on-field meltdown. Do something, Zygi!

- Indeed, I already broached the idea that Zygi should use Yom Kippur to "atone" for his decision to keep Mike Tice as coach for the remainder of the season. Patrick Reusse used the same general idea for Wednesday's column. I still say the immediate firing of Mike Tice would work wonders towards the rehabilitation of the franchise, but apparently Wilf's not listening.

- Speaking of the Strib, they sure picked a helluva week to debut their re-design- every sports fan alive will be Googling their way there for news on the most salacious sports story of the year.

- Possible ramifications of the scandal- fines/suspensions/arrests for numerous players, a catastrophic breakdown in good will with the fan base, and they can probably forget about that new stadium too. Other than that, no problem.

- Sid Hartman, therefore, circles the wagons:

While all the bad news was breaking about the boat ride, Vikings players Mike Rosenthal and Adam Goldberg were at Torah Academy in St. Louis Park, thanking the students for contributing to the Vikings food drive. They did a great job visiting with these young students, answering their questions and giving them a lot of good tips on how important it is to do well in school.
In other words: at least the Jews on the team are doing good!

- Now I should share- I have been on Lake Minnetonka, the sight of the foul, numerous times. It's where my summer camp was when I was a kid, and we used to go on boat rides all the time. But we had our own boats, and never felt the need to patronize Al and Alma's.

- My other question, being a Minnesotan- they were on a lake, in Minnesota, in October- wasn't it damn cold? Especially considering that everyone was allegedly naked?

- And finally, with news coming this week that Packers running back Najeh Davenport is out for the season after breaking his right ankle; Davenport, you may remember, was arrested in 2002 for defecating in the dormroom closet of a Barry University coed. So take that, Packers fans- our players may hold Lake-bound orgies, but at least we won't shit in your closet!

Posted by Stephen Silver at October 14, 2005 12:03 AM

Where's the manure?

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