October 19, 2005

Eskin, Not For GM

The idea is so ridiculous and absurd that I probably shouldn't even mention it, but I thought I'd poke fun at the fact that local sports radio loudmouth Howard Eskin has thrown his hat in the ring for the vacant Phillies general manager job.

Now leave aside that Eskin has never worked in baseball, and has never been employed in any sports capacity whatsoever that hasn't involved bloviating and/or yelling at callers. Here are a few more reasons why Eskin-as-GM isn't such a great idea:

- It's probably unwise to hire a GM who despises and openly roots against the team.

- Eskin knows nothing whatsoever about talent evaluation, player development, scouting, payroll management, or any of the other aspects of the job.

- Considering that he isn't even able to get along with his own colleagues- let alone his callers- I'd imagine Eskin's tactics might tend to alienate the other GMs. He can't just respond to every trade offer or contract negotiation by screaming "you're an idiot" and hanging up the phone, like he does in his current job.

- After all the horrible things he's said about them over the years, Howard would have to contend, on his first day on the job, with all 25 players on the active roster simultaneously demanding a trade. Even the 15 of them who have no-trade clauses.

- As GM, Howard would be left with very little time to film his Burger King commercials. In fact, I have another idea of who should be GM.

- Howard's first name being the same as Ryan Howard's last name would cause way too much confusion; there's a reason Ed Wade never tried to sign Wade Boggs.

But on the bright side, the move would drastically improve WIP in two ways: not only would Eskin no longer host a show, but every five minutes we'd get to hear some first-time/long-time screaming "Fire Howard Eskin!" Because considering how much most Philly fans hate the team now, after they won 88 games and missed the playoffs by one game, imagine how they'll feel after Howard takes over, and they finish 30 games under .500.

In considering this story, I can't help but remember this:

GEORGE: I like sports. I could do something in sports.

JERRY: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?

GEORGE: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.

JERRY: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.

GEORGE: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a color man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.

JERRY: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.

GEORGE: What about that?

JERRY: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.

Oddly enough, George Costanza did indeed later end up with a job in baseball. Even he was more qualified than Howard Eskin.

Posted by Stephen Silver at October 19, 2005 09:22 PM
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