A writer to Bill Simmons, on the debacle of a Raiders season:
If you ever wondered what it was like to be a Raiders fan, you are in luck because I'm about to give you some insight: First, take an ice pick and just ram it into your left testicle. Just do it for no reason at all. If you can make it all the way through so it sticks into a table or chair, that is preferable. Next, headbutt the nearest immovable object (table, brick wall, etc.) seven times or until you draw blood, whichever comes first. After that, put your left hand on a table and smash it with a hammer three times as hard as you can, then dip it in scalding hot water. After that wears off, eat an Oreo cookie because they actually look like they are going to score, but as soon as you eat the cookie wash it down with a quart of antifreeze because they found some way to screw it up. While you are still alive, slowly remove the ice pick to make sure you acheive maximum torture, and then stab yourself in the temple.Yes, their offensive coordinator was running a bed-and-breakfast before they dragged him back to the league. Posted by Stephen Silver at October 22, 2006 06:45 PM