- Paul Haggis’ “Crash,” a cloying, utterly false film aimed at making Hollywood liberals feel guilty about their latest racism, wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
- Muslims the world over riot over a bunch of cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad that ran in a Danish newspaper; after numerous deaths and burnt buildings, all but a handful of American newspapers refuse to run the cartoons.
- Basketball player Eddie Griffin is arrested in Minneapolis for driving, drunk, without a license, while masturbating and watching a porn DVD in his car. After crashing into another car, Griffin is caught on a surveillance camera offering to a buy a car (“but not a Bentley”) for the owner if he lets him off.
- Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a friend in the face in a hunting accident; after leaving the hospital, the man apologizes to the veep, as opposed to the other way around.
- The Palestinians democratically elect Hamas to represent them in their legislature, becoming the first territory in the world to democratically elect a full-on terrorist organization.
- Despite being the most incompetent executives in sports history and presiding over multiple losing seasons, neither the Knicks’ Isiah Thomas nor the Lions’ Matt Millen has yet been fired.
- Iraq continues to be a disaster, with no indication given that the president has any idea what to do. But the Iraq Study Group report offers little in the way of new solutions.
- The Cincinnati Bengals have as many player arrests as wins (8 of each.)
- Despite no experience in radio talk or comedy, David Lee Roth is for some reason given a syndicated radio show in several East Coast markets, which is so unlistenably bad that it’s canceled after less than four months.
- Proving radio programmers know nothing, they later do the same thing with Whoopi Goldberg.
- Pennsylvania state legislator reveals that he had spent $25,000 in taxpayer money on… books.
- Britney Spears begins going out underwear-free: news that would have excited most males a lot more five years ago.
- At Brandeis: A female student is arrested for assaulting a police officer with a pair of Ugg boots, a masturbating mystery man haunts the tennis courts, and it is revealed that disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff ’81 only donated $50 over the course of 25 years.
- New York Post gossip writer Jared Paul Stern is nabbed by the FBI after he attempts to extort Los Angeles billionaire Ron Burkle with immunity from the column in exchange for cash.
- Slobodan Milosevic and Kenneth Lay both die before they can face punishment for their crimes; Saddam Hussein, thankfully, dies just in time.
- Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmanenijad continues to cause trouble, including continuing to pursue nuclear weapons, and hosting a holocaust denial conference.
- A Long Island minor league hockey team with mob ties is accused of giving some of the team’s players no-show construction jobs.
- Mel Gibson is arrested on a DUI in Malibu; he calls the arresting officer “sugar tits” and makes anti-Semitic remarks too.
- White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen is criticized for calling columnist Jay Mariotti a homosexual slur; Guillen later apologizes, calling Mariotti a “piece of shit” instead.
- A relatively innocuous New York Times travel section article about Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld’s summer homes in Maryland is interpreted by the conservative blogosphere as a murder plot.
- CNN’s Nancy Grace grills Melinda Duckett, the mother of a missing 2-year-old, on her show; Duckett commits suicide the next day.
- At the University of Northern Colorado, the backup punter is arrested for stabbing the starting punter.
- Michael Richards, who played Kramer on “Seinfeld,” screams racial slurs from the stage of a Los Angeles comedy club; he later gives the most uncomfortable apology in history, on Letterman.
- The 94-year-old Negro Leagues legend Buck O’Neil is inexplicably kept out of the Baseball Hall of Fame in a special election; he later passes away.
- Terrell Owens is a football distraction once again, most notably with his drug overdose/suicide attempt in September.
- Three words: Screech sex tape.
- Congressman Mark Foley resigns after it’s revealed he had engaged in inappropriate instant messages with male pages; several top officials, it turned out, had known about it.
- A terror alert about dirty bombs exploding at seven NFL stadiums turns out to be a hoax, that was part of an online “writing duel.”
- After Keith Ellison becomes the first Muslim elected to Congress, a parade of conservative pundits become apoplectic that he wants to swear his oath on the Koran.
- George Allen’s political career ends after he’s videotaped using a French African racial slur, “macaca.”
- And worst of all, News Corp. goes into business with O.J. Simpson on a book and special called “If I Did It.”
One of the sex shops on Route 1 has a giant banner out front "We have the Screeched DVD!"
Who wants to buy that, seriously?
Posted by: Tainted Bill at January 1, 2007 08:00 PM"a masturbating mystery man haunts the tennis courts"
Is this the same guy who was seen in the Library and by the commuter rail station my freshman year at the school?
Posted by: jaws at January 1, 2007 08:34 PMGood wrap up.
Posted by: A at January 2, 2007 09:05 AMThanks for sharing .List of all the events are really shameful.
Posted by: mcp certification at June 8, 2009 09:42 AM