June 05, 2007

How's it Going to End?

The final "Sopranos" ever is in just five days, and everyone's speculating on how, exactly, the series will come to a close. Here are a few suggestions:

The "Goodfellas" ending: Tony and Carmela, fearing death, turn state's evidence and disappear into the witness protection program. (Odds of happening: Next to nil. Most of the show's fans would be outraged, they already nearly went the "ordinary schnook" route with Christopher, and besides, there's almost no one left for them to testify against.)

The "Scarface" ending: Tony stays holed up in his safehouse, with Phil and dozens of hitmen coming after him, until he finally goes down, guns blazing. (Odds of happening: 15:1. Would be cool, but not exactly original.)

The "Godfather, Part III" ending: A hitman tries to kill Tony, but misses and instead hits Meadow. (Odds of happening: Nil. If you created a mob masterpiece and didn't want it to end badly, would you in any way emulate Godfather III?)

The Whitey Bulger ending: Tony kills Phil; the FBI, led by Agent Harris, is so grateful that they tacitly let Tony slide, and he is able to flee to an undisclosed location without ever being punished. (Odds of happening: 7:1.)

The "Cleaver" ending: Christopher comes back from the dead to kill Tony. (Odds of happening: not good, but the likelihood of it happening in a dream sequence is actually quite high.)

"The Departed"/Hamlet ending: Everyone dies. (Odds of happening: 2:1. The show's always been both very Shakespearean and Scorsesean, so...)

"The Firm" ending: Caught between getting killed by Phil's crew and getting squeezed by the FBI, Tony chooses the third option, and goes on the run. (Odds of happening: 3:1, sort of mitigated by Sydney Pollack, who directed the movie version of "The Firm," being on the show this year. Though the ending of the movie, in which Tom Cruise asserts attorney/client privilege to keep the Mafia guys from killing him, doesn't sound like it would work on "Sopranos.")

The "Dallas" ending: The fifth and sixth seasons were all a dream, Adriana and Christopher are still alive, no one knows Vito is gay, and Tony and Carmela are still separated. The Devil talks Tony into committing suicide. (Odds of happening: 5.2 billion:1.)

The "Seinfeld" ending: Tony goes on trial, and everyone he ever wronged testifies about what an asshole he is. He goes to jail, for a lot more than a year. (Odds of happening: None, but it would probably work better than it did for Seinfeld.)

"The Usual Suspects" ending: In a surprise twist in the last minute of the episode, we find out Artie Bucco was the criminal mastermind all along, and Tony was just a patsy. As was Patsy. (Odds of happening: None, but it would be pretty damn awesome.)

The "Newhart" ending: Tony wakes up and finds out the whole Mafia thing was just a dream; he's really Kevin Finnerty. (Odds of happening: 15:1.)

The "Six Feet Under" ending: As an emo song plays, we flash forward in the future to see the deaths of every one of the characters- except that no one dies of natural causes, and everyone gets whacked. AJ lives to be 102. (Odds of happening: 0.)

The "Scooby Doo" ending: After he's captured by Tony, Phil Leotardo's face is torn off, revealing that he's really... Mikey Palmice, who didn't really die in Season 1! He blames the Sopranos' previously unseen "meddling dog." (Odds of happening: incomplete.)

What I really think: I'm not going to venture a full guess as to How It All Ends, but we're going to see at least a couple of things: Some resolution of the FBI's long investigation of Tony/the thing with the Two Arabs, and a return of some sort to the House in Costa Mesa, from Tony's coma dream sequence. Also, Livia will be involved, somehow, even if it's just her voice.

What we're NOT going to see: the Russian, or Melfi's rapist.

Posted by Stephen Silver at June 5, 2007 05:14 PM

There are only three fitting endings: 1) Tony dies at the hand of Carmella; 2) He kills himself when he realizes his entire life was a waste and ala Godfather III, members of his family are killed; 3) Everyone else dies, and he is left in a living Hell to ponder his life. Having Phil kill him or simply being gunned down by his enemies is too conventional. He needs to go through some emotional drama. Also, there must be a reason why everyone else was killed except Paulie. Maybe he turns on Tony.

Posted by: Alan Silver at June 5, 2007 09:51 PM

Great writeup!

No Wayne's World ending? (Everyone has terrible things happen to them; then replaced with a happy ending after an interjection from Wayne & Garth)

Posted by: Dhalp at June 5, 2007 11:34 PM

Great blog Blogger. Very entertaining. I don't want to make any guesses as you've pointed out, anything can happen and the ending will be an influence of one of the many shows or movies or director's you mentioned. We must all wait and see.

Posted by: A at June 6, 2007 11:43 AM

How about the Roseanne ending? Tony wins the lottery and everyone on his crew become lesbians.

Posted by: Ratto at June 8, 2007 01:32 PM

Variation on the Dream Sequence:

In a continuation from the last scene of the penultimate epidsode, Tony awakes to hear the shower running. He staggers into the bathroom, dramatically rips away the tub curtain, and discovers...Bobby Ewing of "Dallas."

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"You mean all of this was just a terrible dream?"

We subsequently learn that "The Sopranos" series was, in fact, a sub-plot of "Dallas," which never really left the air, and J. R. Ewing is the real criminal mastermind (with "The Russian Commando" as his underboss). And, oh yeah, Adriana wasn't actually killed in the forest--she survives to become...J. R.'s scheming new wife.

Next best ending: Turns out Phil Leotardo is the surviving twin brother of "Billy Batts" and, in an incredible twist, he also gets stomped, beaten, stabbed, and shot to death by Joe Pesci and Robert Deniro who reprise their "Goodfellas" roles in surprise cameos.

Posted by: MarkJ at June 8, 2007 01:36 PM

What about the Back to the Future ending?

Phil Leotardo gets dealt with (blamo!) during the show and then Tony's entire world changes (AJ is a productive citizen, Meadow isn't a brainy flake but actually accomplished, Carmella is a vixen who keeps Tony monotomous in her allure, and Dr. Melfi hasn't "fired him")... And then, suddenly, a Deloreon busts up the Soprano's driveway and Paulie Wallnuts jumps out wearing futuristic garb and warns Tony that something has to be done about his GRANDKIDS...

Carmella and Tony look at each other oddly and then climb into the car... All of this to be continued in "Soprano to the Future 2"

Posted by: John F at June 9, 2007 10:32 PM

meanwhile, the real ending was nowhere as good as any of these ...

Posted by: LilB at June 11, 2007 12:53 PM
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