December 13, 2007

Mitchell Report Report

I've now skimmed the Mitchell Report and read most of the press accounts. I can put the players named in the following categories:

Like, Duh: Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Lenny Dykstra, everyone already named due to suspensions and the BALCO and Signature investigations.

Always Assumed, Now Confirmed: Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Miguel Tejada, Eric Gagne

Good Job, GMs Who Acquired/Re-signed Them in the Last Few Weeks: Miguel Tejada, Paul Lo Duca, Andy Pettitte, Matt Herges, Eric Gagne

The Steroids Must Not Have Worked: David Bell, Ozzie Canseco, Rondell White (Twins era), Larry Bigbie, Eric Gagne (post-Red Sox trade), Fernando Vina (bet he started right after Albert Belle ran him over that time.)

Now It All Makes Sense: Chuck Knoblaunch (!), Todd Hundley, Kevin Brown, Denny Neagle, Brian Roberts, John Rocker, Eric Gagne,

What A Great Story, Now We Know Why: Rick Ankiel, Jack Cust

Who Knew?: Mo Vaughn, David Justice, Todd Pratt, Matt Williams, F.P. Santangelo

Surprisingly Missing Names: Pudge Rodriguez, Brady Anderson, Nomar Garciaparra, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Rob Dibble

People I'm Really Glad Weren't Named: A-Rod, Ryan Howard, Justin Morneau, Kirby Puckett

Deadspin has more highlights. And how stupid does someone have to be to pay for their steroids by check? Writing a letter to the supplier on Dodger Stadium stationery is kind of a no-no as well. KSK, meanwhile, has The Other Mitchell Report.

Quite a day. Call it the Starr Report, minus the pornography.

Posted by Stephen Silver at December 13, 2007 05:27 PM

How does David Justice surprise you? He used to smack Halle Berry around..can we say roid rage?

Posted by: A at December 13, 2007 05:41 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?