September 24, 2008

Sucks to Be the Rays

Who's throwing out the first pitch of their first playoff game? How about nobody?

Now that the Devil is in their past and heavenly October baseball is in their future, the Rays have a problem.

"We don't have anyone to throw out the ball for our first playoff game," Tampa Bay President Matt Silverman said. "MLB asked us who it'd be. We realized nobody in the history of the franchise had done anything to be worthy of the honor."

Nobody's even close. Not after Tampa Bay finished last in the American League East in nine of its previous 10 seasons. Not after playing in its Tropicana Field dungeon, a domed park that looks like a garbage can with its lid on crooked. Not after exorcising the "Devil" from its name this season and, apparently, erasing all of its past.

Central Command has a base in Tampa, so the Rays dream of fetching Gen. David Petraeus to throw out the first pitch. If not, as God is my witness, their second choice is Dick Vitale. That is their celebrity list. Who knew the Rays had a fan?

How about having the Devil do it? Or maybe Jon Lovitz in costume as the Devil?

Posted by Stephen Silver at September 24, 2008 04:44 PM

How about the guy who "The Rookie" was based on? Or Dennis Quaid, who played him in the movie?

Fred McGriff and Wade Boggs also played for the Rays, so they should have plenty of prospective throwers.

Posted by: Jeremy at September 24, 2008 07:24 PM

I guess by default it should be the [Devil] Rays' only retired number, Wade Boggs. I could have sworn this article was from the Onion.

Posted by: LilB at September 24, 2008 09:20 PM
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