January 11, 2010

Wherefore Art Thou Sobchak?

Yes, it's the entire script of "The Big Lebowski," rendered entirely as Shakespearean verse:

Saturday! Unhappy fortune. Something was forgotten in the state of office. A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanac; find a date uncancell’d by destiny. What manner of fool is he that scheduled this date? I did take pains to disclose my unavailability.
Marry, ‘twas Burkhalter.
A German, all slops, or low Dutch; thrice I made him to know that I roll not on Saturday.
But posted it be; what’s done cannot be undone.
They shall unpost it, by my life!
I care not, Walter—what of that poor woman?
Peace, Knave; she will tire of her little game anon, and wander back in the manner of the punished cur, tail between her legs.
Wherefore thou playest not at ninepins on Saturday, Sir Walter?
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy.
Verrily, shomer fucking shabbos.

Posted by Stephen Silver at January 11, 2010 06:35 AM
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