SAUSAGE-FEST: We have our new Oddest Baseball Story of the Year: During tonight's game in Milwaukee, an on-field "Sausage Race" (a footrace among four people in large, comical sausage costumes) came to a tragic, premature end when Pirates first baseman Randall Simon for some reason reached onto the field from the dugout and clocked one of the sausages over the head with his bat, knocking down both that sausage and the one next to it.
Well, it turned out both sausages were played by women, who were treated at the scene; Simon was questioned and may face assault charges. Adding insult to insult, Simon (the same man who John Rocker infamously called "a fat monkey" in 1999) was at the time wearing a garish yellow Pirates "throwback" uniform, circa 1979.