SteveSilver.net

A Subway Story

As I alluded to earlier, I recently started dating a wonderful woman, and for that I feel very lucky and very blessed. But alas, am I aware that many of my brothers out there aren’t quite so lucky- and remain under the thumb of the sort of woman Jordan likes to not-so-lovingly call The Succubus.

Now since Becca’s been in the picture my friends have been telling me that I’ve gotten noticably less cynical, and I suppose there’s some truth to that. But not all the time. And indeed, where better can one go to get one’s edge back, then the New York City subway?

It’s Wednesday night, about 6:30, and my co-worker and I are headed uptown on the NR to the below-mentioned outsourcing panel. I walked onto the train and headed for a seat, until I heard an unbelievably shrill female voice shriek “excuse me” at me.

“Yes?,” I asked

"You just plowed RIGHT into him," she hissed.

I had seen or felt myself bumping into no one, and certainly no “him,” as the only person in my field of vision was this already-quite-unpleasant woman. I pointed this out, until she interrupted…

"Your bag just hit him!," turning around and pointing to her clearly embarrassed-looking boyfriend, who at that point was behind me. So I apologized to the boyfriend, who was like "that's ok" and just wanted the whole thing to be over.

"Sorry, I didn't see you," I said.

"No, of COURSE you didn't," Jackie Christie replied.

Now I should point out that while it’s been eight years since I’ve lived in my native Midwest, even now, people STILL tell me I’m too nice. Perhaps it would’ve been appropriate to scream this awful woman's head off, and/or mention to her that in New York F’n City, you’re not supposed to chide people for minor, unintentional faux pas, especially not on the subway.

But then, what really would have been even MORE appropriate, and what I wish to God I had done, is go up to the boyfriend, take him aside, or (better yet) stay right in front of the nightmarish succubus, and tell him “dude. Get this horrible, horrible woman the FUCK out of your life, before she absolutely destroys you."

Let that be a warning, gentlemen- if you’re in a relationship and it gets to the point where your girlfriend is picking fights on the subway, for no reason, with random strangers, on YOUR behalf, that's sort of a sign that maybe it's time to reevaluate things.

You may have also heard about how a few weeks ago someone rigged a Manhattan train station tote board so that it displayed the message “pretty girls don’t ride the subway”- provoking predictable outrage. I’d like to see the same guy rig the 42nd Street station, this time to say “pretty girls don’t scream at strangers for no reason on the subway.”

UPDATE: At least this nightmare girlfriend didn't play the trumpet.

Posted by Stephen Silver at November 19, 2004 12:38 AM