January 03, 2006

New Years Link Roundup

Happy new year everyone! Hope everyone enjoyed the New Years' holiday and isn't too down on being back at work this week. Anyway, a few thoughts on the week that was:

BREAST WISHES: I watched the Dick Clark new years' special, and I renew my usual Muhammad Ali objection- is it really right to drag the man out there when due to his physical condition he's clearly not up to the job? Especially considering that had Dick come out just for a couple of minutes, it could have been a wonderful, memorable moment.

Also inappropriately out, on the same special- Mariah Carey's breasts. Apparently Mariah decided to celebrate her return to musical relevance by adding a second pair of implants to her already cartoonish-looking bosom- which was the first thing my friend mentioned to me when I talked to him a few minutes later. Good lord.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!: I am, of course, ecstatic that my favorite football team has taken a major step back towards respectability by getting rid of Mike Tice. Zygi Wilf clearly realizes that in order to win the Vikings must expunge the foul taint of Red McCombs' cheapskate ownership, and doing so means both a new coach and new GM.

Who should be the new coach? I'd be very happy with Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress, Bears defensive guru Ron Rivera, or Giants d-coordinator Tim Lewis, though I'm not so high on Jim Fassel. Mike Martz? Don't even think about it. Though I'm especially glad it won't be Gregg Williams, who flopped as the head man in Buffalo and was given an inexplicable $8 million contract to remain an assistant with the Redskins. As for darkhouses- how about trying to lure Jim Mora, Sr. out of retirement?

Post-Tice, I feel like the conservative movement leaders must have felt after the Harriet Miers nomination was withdrawn. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but Tice clearly never had any business being an NFL head coach. I've been real hard on the guy, but I wish him the best. And I'd absolutely love it if the Packers hired him.

BIGGEST TRADE EVER?: The baseball trade frenzy seems to have died down a bit, but if the New York Daily News is to believed it's about to be reignited in a big way, with a four-way deal under discussion that would likely be the biggest trade- in number of players, and in amount of money and impact- in baseball history.

The scenario would involve four teams- the Mets, Red Sox, Orioles, and Devil Rays. The Mets would acquire Manny Ramirez from the Sox and reliever Danys Baez from the Rays. The Sox would get Miguel Tejada from Baltimore and centerfielder Joey Gathright from the Rays. The Orioles would get shortstop Julio Lugo from Tampa, as well as pitcher Kris Benson (and possibly Matt Clement as well). And Tampa would get prospects from everyone, including Boston's Andy Marte, with pitchers Jae Seo and/or Aaron Heilman going from the Mets to the Rays, along with Kaz Matsui. Other versions of the deal have Aubrey Huff going to the Red Sox as well, or a downscaled trade in which one or two of the teams are omitted.

Does it make sense for everyone? I say it does. And while that exact scenario may not take place, I predict at least some version of it will.

THE FIGHTIN' PORTISES: In probably my favorite NFL story of the weekend (beyond the Flutie dropkick and Maurice Clarett's best Jeff Reardon impersonation), the mother of Redskins running back Clinton Portis reportedly got into an altercation with some Eagles fans in the stands at Lincoln Financial Field. After a woman in the stands poured beer on Rhonnel Hearn, Portis' mom reportedly began throwing punches, leading to the ejections of the beer throwers and a move of the Portis delegation to the Washington sideline.

Deadspin suggests, and I agree, that Portis and his mom replace Donovan and Wilma McNabb in the Chunky Soup commercials next year. Maybe they can even turn Portis' bizarre parade of costumed characters into a coherent narrative.

STEIN VS. MODO: Joel Stein has written a "humor" column in the LA Times that reminds me why no one likes him. Apparently Joel once made a crack in one of his columns that offended Maureen Dowd, leading her to publicly accuse him of sexism (if I knowingly offended the sanctimonious MoDo, I'd be thrilled, but that's just me). Then this emasculated wuss spent the next several years attempting to apologize to Maureen, who repeatedly refused his offers whether they were verbal or in the form of bottles of wine. Guess his apologies had trouble getting through the TimesSelect wall.

ABRAMOFF SINGS: Disgraced Republican super-lobbyist and Brandeis alum Jack Abramoff has plead guilty to three felony charges, and will reportedly agree to testify against members of Congress. Mark my words- this WILL be the biggest political story of 2006.

TOTTEN ON A ROLL: My friend Michael Totten is writing up a storm on his Mideast excursion. First LA Weekly ran his story about visiting Libya, and now the Wall Street Journal website carries his op-ed on democracy in Lebanon. I really hope someone gives him a book deal to write about this stuff, because it's all great.

RIP, JEWISH HIPSTERISM: The "hipster Jewish" fad is losing steam, according to the Jewish Week. Good riddance, I say- it was always a stupid, one-joke enterprise, based on the premise that merging Jewish tropes with hip-hop culture, along with repeatedly using the word "oy," is somehow transgressive and/or hilarious. Please. American Jews have enough to proud of these days without resorting to that nonsense. I especially like the description of Heeb as the "Mad Magazine of the Jewish community."

Posted by Stephen Silver at January 3, 2006 04:19 PM
Comments

Tice is a good guy and to be fair to him, McCombs was a huge handicap to the success of the organization. I'm not sure anyone could have been successful with him as owner. On the other hand, I've also seen too many games where I wondered "what the hell was Tice thinking" to say he deserved to stay. Like you, I wish him well.

Posted by: Dave E at January 3, 2006 04:52 PM

Jewschool has href="http://www.jewschool.com/2005/12/ny-jewish-week-knocks-jewish.php"ripped apart that Jewish Week article. Heeb, etc., were never supposed to save Judaism in the first place.

And yay about Abramoff!!!

Posted by: BZ at January 3, 2006 06:38 PM

"Mr. Stein, keep the wine." See, that's clever. Although at that point, I would have written back, "Sorry for the affront, you miserable--"

Posted by: Jim Treacher at January 4, 2006 06:31 AM

Hey Steve.....I have to disagree with you about the Manny/Miguel trade. As on Oriole fan, I would be extremely ticked off if we gave up the best shortstop in the game today for Julio Lugo and Kris Benson. If I'm not mistaken, Lugo is in the last year of his contract, and Benson is no more than a 4th starter on most teams. Now, if the O's got Marte and Hielman, I may reconsider, but for Lugo and Benson alone, I would not be a happy camper!

Posted by: MattyD at January 4, 2006 09:47 AM

Hey Steve.....I have to disagree with you about the Manny/Miguel trade. As on Oriole fan, I would be extremely ticked off if we gave up the best shortstop in the game today for Julio Lugo and Kris Benson. If I'm not mistaken, Lugo is in the last year of his contract, and Benson is no more than a 4th starter on most teams. Now, if the O's got Marte and Hielman, I may reconsider, but for Lugo and Benson alone, I would not be a happy camper!

Posted by: MattyD at January 4, 2006 09:49 AM

Sorry for the double (I guess now triple) post....

Posted by: MattyD at January 4, 2006 09:49 AM

Gammons says (and Dirt Dogs dutifully reports) that the Manny/Tejada thing is not likely.

And I'll bet Red McCombs' taint is foul ....

Posted by: LilB at January 4, 2006 10:15 AM

I think Dick Clark wasnted to come back, no one forced him. And yes, Mariah's boobs are way out of hand. She is starting to look more and more like a combination of Betty Boop and Jessica Rabbit each day.

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